Travis campaign

Morris's Letter

“Dearest Fappers and Dappers,

I haven’t had a drink in 4 weeks. I haven’t had a woman in longer. I’ve just returned from a mission where I was tortured. Yet I’ve never felt so alive. My father trusts me and my brothers respect my skills. Redemption has been sweet, and the tide of war is changing. I miss you all. There is more, but Dresden will have to tell you himself; I don’t dare leave it in writing.

If I could embrace you all, I would. It’s different out here and I realize now what great friends I had. I love you all.

Dresden delivers you this letter and gives you more news that wasn’t written down. Morris has been running intel missions and discovered:

-the dwarves plan to strategically place ships around Hangman’s Rest to prevent people coming or going, the long-term plan being to starve them out
-the dwarves are looking for mercenaries to aid in the fight against the Dragonborn

Ima's Log

As my destiny nears I have found myself longing for those simpler days. Those days when father would come home from working at the bar and tell us tales of his adventures as we sat around the table to eat our supper. I recall the hat hung over the fireplace for the longest time. It had been there as long as I could remember, and I never thought to ask much about it. I could tell it meant something to him regardless, and when I left find own adventures I turned down the offer he made me to take the hat with me. He was sad enough to see me go, but to see the hat go as well?

I’d return from time to time to visit him and my aunt. He had moved the hat into the bar. He was quiet when I asked him why, but when I pressed him he revealed something to me. The hat was “magic” my father told me. He said that an energy was getting stronger within it day by day. I could tell it excited him, but I could also tell that he was growing ever fearful. He never told me how he came about the hat. And as I get closer to my destiny I consider what circumstances he may have come upon it that would give him reason to fear its growing power.

I didn’t argue with him when he said he meant to give the hat away. He’d raffle it off. I consider now that perhaps that hat and my father were never meant to part ways. There was no winner of the raffle. The hat was stolen, and my father killed. Deisa, Morris, Quinn, Naomi, and especially the demon Akmenos. I cannot say that they killed my father, but I can say at least that they facilitated his death. The unscrupulous band heathens have paid no price for their crime, and now travel about hoping to be heros. There is no justice save for the justice I pay for, the price perhaps my life.

I have allied myself with these Bullywugs. There is something strange about them. There is a darkness and power that I feel coming from them. I’ve sealed my fate to the damned as I have given them the vile that will poison this land. But their war with the humans does not concern me, they are just my means of exacting my revenge.

The day draws near. The bullywug scouts say they have seen the ‘hero’s’ coming. Oh how I long for those days before. I have this desire in my heart, I want to go back and run the bar. Something that I have never wanted to do before. Morris stole my fathers bar, and my fathers hat. That drunk bastard is everything I have known to be evil in this world. With his death I will be satisfied.

Eleventh Session

The party once again sets off towards Bullywug camp with a day of constant travel ahead of them. Not too long into their trek they spot a wanderer coming in their direction. The party decides to hide in the bushes before the stranger reaches them save for Akmenos who waits in the open.

The stranger greets Akmenos warmly and says some pretty cryptic but friendly things. He tells him that he is on his way to the human city. He offers good from his sack. A drink to anyone who wants one, and a small singing wooden dwarf for Akmenos. He gives a non acoholic bubbly drink to Charlie? who eventually accepts.

Morris walks out of the swamp towards the man like a maniac setting leaves on fire and breathing fire into the air. The man is un phased.

Akmenos tries to use some kind of hoo ha power and yank the stump the stranger is sitting on out from under him. But the stranger stands up in the moment the stump is removed as if he has some kind of special powers of foresight. He also seems to just know certain things. Also the dude gives Ima a vile of poison from his bag. One identical to the one Archie was holding when he was kidnapped.

As he is about to leave he reaches into his bag and picks out a coin. He tells the party that the coin can take them anywhere they want to go, all they have to do is think hard on exactly where they want to be and the coin will take them there. He flips the coin towards the party, and turns around walking away like a baller.

Morris jumps for the coin and catches it. Immediately he starts imagining where he would like to be. In a few moments he vanishes before the parties eyes. But not before Ima fires an arrow toward the head of Morris, taking his hat off right before he vanishes, pinning it to a tree.

Ima grabs the hat. But Akmenos wants the hat. They have a fight over it. Finally Ima gives the hat to Quinn, as a neutral person for safe keeping.

The party presses on. Akmenos says Quinn that he will offer something very valuable for the hat. He lets Quinn peak into his bag. Quinn is shocked by whats in the bag, but cannot let go of the hat. Akmenos says he will give him time to think about it.

A small beast chases a rabbit out of the jungle. Akmenos uses lightning luuure on the beast and cuts it throat while using gestures at Quinn letting him know how serious he is about…something. The rabbit jumps up on Quinn and Quinn snaps its neck and throws it over her shoulder, making gestures back at Akmenos. The rabbit comes back to life. And continues to cuddle with Quinn. Naomi tries to protect the creature, but it will have no part in it.

The party makes camp for the night, the hat changes owners so many time I can’t even remember who has it now (just kidding, I know) and you wake up with Ima missing.

Tenth Session
August 9, 2013

The party having just defeated the mysteries demons of Ice, relax atop the boat for a bit of sport. Akmenos decides to take the boots of the Ice Demon which grant him power to walk on water by making the water under his feet freeze like ice.

The game the party plays on deck is a contest to see who can give the heartiest of slaps. Akmenos comes out on top harnessing his arcane powers to enhance his hearty back slapping ability.

A ball of light comes from the sky and examines the party. The ball of light decides that the party is very interesting and that they have potential. He notices the “little devil” the ring of truth on Morris’s finger and remarks that he could get that thing off no problem. Morris who isn’t interested in the jovial nature of the ball of light shoots balls of fire at it only to have the fire pass through seemingly doing no damage whatsoever. The light says that he be watching them, and that they would certainly be seeing him again.

The boat sails on for several days. Archi approaches Akmenos and remarks that he believe Akmenos isn’t like the others. That he probably understands what it means to need to do anything to protect what is important to you. Archi says what a great sacrifice it is to kill the bullywugs but that he gladly does it for the safety of his people. Archi also says that he knows humans have treated his kind as an outcast in the past, but that after his job, he will be welcome among them. Akemons does not respond favorably to being warmed up.

The boat arrives and the captain sees them off saying “I cant wish you luck because I know what you intend to do, but I hope you don’t die.” Every takes dingoes to the shore except for Akmenos who makes use of his boots of the ice demon to walk across the water to shore.

Once there the party is ambushed by a group of Bullywugs who identify Archibald as their target. As the party is engaged in battle Archibald goes missing, They hear a scream off into the woods. Ima find a trail on the edge of the forest and says the Archibald must have been dragged off here. Ima is able to follow the trail until almost nightfall, but the party is distracted by a cry for help in the swamps.

Quinn goes to investigate. She doesn’t get close enough to hear. But she finds a small village with six people. Five groused around one woman with giant breasts the size of dwarfs. She sees that they all seem a bit worried. She goes back and tells the party what she saw.

Desa, trys to determined what the people in the village are doing. She can tell that they are all worried and that the woman with gorged breasts feels in great pain. She also spots a Gnome who has climbed up a tree above the woman and who looks very frightened. Akmenos goes to investigate closer, and upon seeing the party approaches.

Akmenos introduces himself and asks what is up here. The human who introduces himself as Wally says that his friend the Human with huge titties is in great pain because her breasts have grown so large. Normally to keep her breasts in check she must milk them, but she has been unable to get anything out lately. “Something gumming up the works.”

Wally introduces the rest of the village that he says are outcasts.

Patricia: blinks really slow and creepy  Orc
Manus the with his tiny arms Human
Chiff the guy who experiences things 6 seconds later than everyone else Gnome
Patty the extremely lovely. Elf
Monica, the one with breasts so large she cant move . Human

The gnome leaps from the tree onto the large breasts and bounces off onto the ground.

Morris, Naomi and Quinn come come out to the village as well. Akmenos speaks with the Gnome and tells him that he has something of great importance to show him in the marsh. They go off together.

Back in the village Naomi convinces the village that Monica needs to moved inside. Morris rolls pretty high and is able to pick up the woman as well as one breast. With the help of the village Quinn is able to lift the other breast and they take her to a vacant hut. Naomi and Morris go inside.

Morris has an idea and breaths very hot air over the nips, warming them. Naomi teleports 15 feet into the air and body slams the heated breasts. Weeks worth of backed up curd cheese and milk spew out of the breasts leveling the hut and filling a large part of the village.

Wally, who seems satisfied remarks. “Well eat for weeks thanks to you.”

Naomi darts out of the village to be with the rest of the party. Morris stays in town and extends his hand for some gold for a job well done. Wally ignores him. Morris asks about Archibald, if he knows who he is. He also explains that archi was drug off into the marshes by Bullywugs. Wally says he doesn’t know Archibald but says if he is a part of the human kingdom, and if he was kidnapped by Bullywugs than he might know where they took him. He draws a map for Morris and thanks him again for saving his friend.

The party again reunited set off into the marshes following the map to where they hope they will be able to find Archibald.

Eighth Session
July 26, 2013

The party finds themselves in the company of Dresden Bobanks, the leader of Hangman’s Rest. He is having a conversation with Archibald Rushba. Rushba mentions that he knew he was right, and that Dresdan’s unwillingness has now cost many human lives. Dresden is visibly shaken by the news and sends Rushba on his way. He then suggests to the party that if they want to work, they they will have to prove themselves in competition.

1. Prior to this, we were offered a thing by a guy.
2. Akmenos asks the bartender if he has any musical instruments, but he has none.
3. Akmenos sings a sad ballad but it’s slightly awkward.
4. Quinn returns to her dwelling to check on her young boy and gives a gold piece to Akmenos.
5. Morris masturbates vigorously in front of the bar. (Editor’s Note: This never happened. -A.W.)
6. Quinn starts playing her woodwind.
7. Quinn fails to make any noise whatsoever with her woodwind.
8. Akmenos exits the bar.
9. Morris gets a quick lunch composed of fine mutton, which is in reality burnt fish.
10. Morris protests the disposition of his lunch and leaves without eating it.
11. Morris eats horse meat. (Editor’s Note: It really was fine mutton this time. -A.W.)
12. Akmenos walks slowly down to the dock.
13. Morris walks slightly slowly down to the dock.
14. Everyone else walks at normal speed.
15. We are greeted by a guard, who asks if we are a “group”.
16. Quinn replies in the affirmative.
17. Ima, by Gavé, is introduced to the party.
18. The party is introduced as the Dapper Fappers and enters the ring.
19. A small crowd of pirate men, pirate women, and pirate children greets the party enthusiastically.
20. The brawl ensues.
21. Morris opens fantastically with three different blast attacks (a lightning breath, a fire breath, and a fire spell), doing great damage and earning the ire of the enemy, who focus-fired him until he was unconscious.
22. The party is fighting Hyrus the Meek, Ben Grimmace Beard, Lilly, Dirty Daria, Clubba, Wet Pants, and Exotic Witch Doctor.
23. The party is victorious
24. Dresden congratulates the party on their victory

Seventh Session
July 19, 2013

The scene opens on The Party collecting loot after their battle with Dreyfus’s goons. After cleaning up, the party speaks little to each other, assumedly processing the events that have led up to this point in the career. Wanting to let somebody else make the first move as to what to do now, Morris sits down and plays a game of Dots with Akmenos, winning quite handily (35 to 1).

After their game, still unwilling to put forward any suggestions, Akmenos tries to unbuckle his pantaloons and do something nefarious into Morris’s flask; Morris quickly backs away, but realizing this rag-tag group is all he has now, finally asks, “I guess we’re stuck with each other. So what’s next?” Quinn suggests that we go to Grayson, a town that serves as a waypoint for people on their way up the road to Quo’gold.

There is little discussion on the way to Grayson. The sole entertainment comes from Akmenos trying to stir up trouble with Morris by asking how he got his tail (a continuing nonsensical razz, as Morris, like all dragonborn, has no tail).

Suddenly, the entire party falls unconscious from an unknown, but powerful, mental assault. The first to wake up are Diesa and our resident hot dog, Quinn. Diesa asks a nearby dwarf, who she thinks will be friendly to her on account of both being dwarves, what’s going on, and he reveals to her that they are to be sold into slavery. The enemy that captured us is a group of ogres led by a mysterious man, a human named Emilio Estevez. The dwarf states that Emilio is a mean one, real rough and tumble, and the “most cruel and villanious man I have ever met in my life”. The dwarf also points out Phyllis, a male human who’s been captured here longer than anybody.

Quinn and Diesa, without waking up the tenderly sleeping other members of the party, go to talk to Phyllis. Diesa greets him with a decidedly un-hearty slap on the back, which makes for an awkward moment until she asks Phyllis how long he’s been here (two weeks).

Emilio, seeing a lot of stirring and talking, comes over to the bars of the cage and yells at the prisoners. He states, “Don’t F with me. I’m a pissed off man! I’m not of this world. I used to be big, real big” (referring to a time before, as he states later when he is sleep-talking, “Mission Impossible ruined [his] career”). Emilio then returns to his tent and the ogres begin taunting the party about how they’re going to separate them: Diesa up north, Naomi into “the pile” of unwanted slaves, Akmenos in the pile, Morris to the elves, and Quinn “somewhere around here”.

Night comes and the ogres demand that we all huddle into an area beneath the cage, underground, to sleep. Morris and Akmenos refuse and the ogres punish them by dumping a barrel of feces and urine on them, that they’d been using and filling up as their toilet. Morris and Akmenos have become bros by now and continue to resist all the demands of the ogres, even going so far as to fling poop back at them, hitting one on the chin directly. Finally the ogres walk away and Morris tells Akmenos that they should go together to the elves and that an escape from elvish lands into the refuge of Dragon Run would be easy. They consider this.

As Akmenos and Morris lie above ground discussing and thinking, Phyllis describes a plan of escape to the rest of the party. One of the two ogre guards who guards the underground area, who Phyllis refers to as “Chumpsky”, goes off to take a poop at the same time every night. Phyllis’s plan is to slip a laxative herb into his drink that will have him pooping all night, leaving only one ogre watching them. They will get him to come nearby the cage and then beat him senseless, take his keys, and escape the cage. Quinn is nominated to then sneak to Emilio’s tent and light off fireworks that he stores inside, to distract the rest of the above-ground guards, and then they will escape the grounds. Diesa guffaws heartily with joy and approval upon hearing the plan.

The plan is a success. As the rogue, Quinn is well suited to sneaking the herb into the drink, and Chumpsky chugs the drink and goes off to the bathroom. Naomi loudly states, “I’m gonna teleport out!” which draws the attention of the second ogre, who comes over to threaten Naomi but is then beaten down by everyone who can get near him, including Akmenos who has heard the commotion and come to help.

Quinn easily sneaks into Emilio’s tent, takes the fireworks, and sets them off behind the tent. Akmenos and Morris grab the ogre who’d come over to the underground part of the cage, drag him to the above-ground part, and set him down where there is still poop and pee smeared all over; they then join the rest of the party in fleeing amidst the chaos of ogres running all over and the fireworks going off prettily in the sky above.

Naomi is hit by a javelin while escaping, but soldiers on. Morris is chased closely by ogres but uses a quick fire breath aimed behind him to incapacitate the nearest guard. Emilio begins bemoaning his luck and drops a black disc on the ground, hitting it with a strange staff and sending it flying at Diesa. Diesa attempts to dodge by jumping, but severely misjudges and actually jumps into it; it smacks her hard directly in the forehead and she is knocked out cold before she hits the ground. Morris runs back to her, lifts her into a fireman hold, and carries her out. Akmenos is able to find the well-spoken ogre he’d verbablly sparred with before, and squares off with him, attempting three times to impale the ogre with his horns before finally succeeding on the fourth try. In a grisly and frankly disgusting display, he then rips out the ogre’s tongue and shoves it down the ogre’s throat. Three guards catch up to Quinn, but Quinn jumps into the air, kicks the nearest one in the face to knock him back towards the others, then lands, and before they have a chance to think he swipes his blade across all three of their stomachs and they roll over in pain. Quinn also finds a small boy, Chimee, who is about to be smashed by an ogre, and saves him. They later become buds as he is an orphan and Quinn is the savior.

When the party and the other captured folk have gotten far away from the encampment, Phyllis thanks the party for helping them, and mentions that we ought to go to Hangman’s Rest, a one last bastion of freedom run by humans, where we’ll be safe. Phyllis tells us if we stick around this part of the world, we’ll be re-captured, because every town excepting Hangman’s Rest is run by dwarves. The dwarves, the party learns, were not truly interested in justice and not only is the party banished from Quo’gold, but they will be arrested on sight in any dwarven-run town at all. Hangman’s Rest will be a week’s walk.

On the way, Morris and Akmenos quickly discuss a party name but the subject is dropped with no conclusion or real engagement. Morris runs out of the booze in his flask after the first day and spends the rest of the week a bit surly. Diesa thanks Morris for saving her but little else is said between the party the rest of the week.

At the gates of Hangman’s Rest, Phyllis gives the guards a sign of safe passage, which Morris commits to memory, and they are admitted and welcomed with open arms and directed to the bar, where they are told in no uncertain terms that neither their money, nor their jokes, are any good here. Morris and Akmenos get quite dapper and tipsy together at the bar, while the bartender chats them up. The bartender heard of the escape and is interested in us. With no real attempt to be on our guard, we discuss things openly with the bartender. Morris asks him about Ironwhelper and bartender tells him and Akmenos that Zeke was deposed from the council, “taken down quickly and hard”, which they take to mean that he is killed. Ironwhelper has assumed his place on the council.

In a universally amusing bout of drunken shenanigans, Akmenos and Morris begin to really open up. Akmenos asks what Morris thinks of this development and Morris says that Zeke must either be dead… or dead! and just cracks up, which gives Akmenos the ol’ ping-pong giggles. Quinn, who is now assistant to the co-leader of the party, comes in, and Akmenos and Morris relay the information from the bartender before being pushed around by Diesa, stumbling their way out of the bar, puking on each other and on the floor, and heading off to find some hot ladies to spend the night with.

Morning comes and the hangover is the only regret anybody seems to have about the night before. The party is sent to see Dresden Bobanks, who will give them work to do. On their way, Akmenos chats up a rough-and-tumble pirate-type guy at a rough-and-tumble pirate-type tavern in the rough-and-tumble pirate-type area of the town. The RTPTG tells Akmenos that the pirates in the city aren’t pillagers; instead, they attend to jobs that nobody else wants to do and which may be a bit shady. They absolutely do not allow dwarves inside Hangman’s Rest, and if dwarves attempt to force entry, they release a giant demonic beast that is held under the city. After this conversation, the session ends, to resume next time with meeting Dresden.

Sixth Session
July 12, 2013

Starting back at The Bar the party is interrupted from their individual business, by a large commotion from the corner of the room.

“Did you hear the news?” A large voice from a large man came from the table there, " Wizard Futureseer said that a big, old rock is gonna come down from the sky and kill us all." Though he did carry on to say that this incident wasn’t supposed to happen for two years.

Before anyone in the group has time to react, the door of the bar is kicked open. Nine armed, Dwarven guards enter and announce that they are there to arrest the members of the party. Akmenos immediately attempts to slap the nearest of them (a redhead), but the guard quickly catches his arm and throws him to the ground.

A brazen Dwarf, with mutton chops and a limp, steps forward. He introduces himself as Dumitt. The party was defiant and refused to be brought in without proof of who they were, even as Quinn recognized them and tried to subtly tell the party so.

After seeing their identification, Morris inquires about the charges held against them. They were as follows: theft, possession of illegal artifacts, intent to use illegal artifacts to harm an esteemed member of the society, trespassing on government property, the murder of Old Man Salvador, and assuming ownership of a business.

Sizing up the guards, most of the party decides it would be best to go along, though Morris refuses to have his hands bound, citing Dragonborn honor and dignity. Akmenos, however, decides that he would rather fight than be taken with them. After a short and mostly one-sided battle Akmenos is knocked unconscious.

Binding the hands of the party members, except Morris, the guards take them to the prison. On arrival they are stripped of their items and placed in a small cell, with a lone window. Akmenos awakens shortly thereafter and spends the rest of his time constantly trying to attack the guards from the inside.

After some small talk with the guards, in which Morris manages to obtain a small, one-stringed guitar for entertainment and promptly writes his greatest hit entitled ‘Jailbreak’, they head to sleep.

In the morning the guards attempt to re-shackle them. Morris, considering it a dig against his honor, tries to resist the shackles again by insisting that he will come quietly. Refusing to accept this, one of the guards attacks him. Akmenos, seeing an opening, tries yet again to escape. He is quickly knocked unconscious.

Morris continues to resist the shackles until he too is knocked out.

The party, willing and unwilling alike, are then escorted to a courtroom where their shackles are attached to the ground. In front of them are the three judges – Sanky, Wanky, and Sewky – and after a short introduction Dreyfus Ironwhelper is also brought before them. It is revealed that Dreyfus is the one who is accusing them of their crimes.

(They were as follows: theft, possession of illegal artifacts, intent to use illegal artifacts to harm an esteemed member of the society, trespassing on government property, the murder of Old Man Salvador, and assuming ownership of a business.)

Sewky swiftly starts the interrogation by inquiring about them trespassing in the guarded house in the underground portion of the city. The party is adamant that they did not see the guards and that they had no way of knowing it was anything other than public property. After a short debate the judges move on and instead inquire about the illegal artifacts. When the party asks what artifacts they could be talking about, they bring forward a painting covered in cloth. They say that it would harm anyone who looks at it and therefore will remain covered. Wanky goes on to explain that Quinn and Morris were seen talking to Zeke the Freak with the painting and were therefore trying to kill him with it.

After another short debate with no real conclusion they move on to the ownership of the bar. Morris states that he only took control of the bar because no one else stepped forward and he would kindly hand it over if someone did. Before he could continue a woman entered the courtroom declaring to be the sister of Pete Asturias. She claimed that she had entered the bar at some point after Pete’s death and had seen Morris in charge. Being much bigger then her and quite scary she was afraid that he would hurt her if she tried to obtain ownership from him. Morris agrees that he would hand over the bar to her, the issue resolved.

The party convinces the judges that in order for them to know what painting they were being accused of having they would have to see it. It is brought closer to them and the blanket is lifted for only a few seconds. All of the party closes their eyes, except Akmenos who was the most interested in seeing it. Hoping to go back into the painting to escape the courtroom, Akmenos claims that it is too dark to identify the painting and that the blanket would have to be completely removed.

The judges seem to consider it and talk amongst themselves. While they are distracted Akmenos makes another attempt at freedom by casting Lightning Lure on Naomi to teleport her next to him. The guards quickly re-shackle Naomi, who doesn’t fight against it, and the judges have made their decisions.

  • On the charge of trespassing – found not guilty.
  • On the charge of possession of illegal magical artifacts – found guilty.
  • On the charge of attempting assassination of Zeke the Freak – found not guilty
  • On the charge of murdering Pete Asturias – found suspicious.
  • On the charge of theft of the bar – found guilty.
  • On the charge of disrespect to guards – found guilty.

The party is banished from the city of Quo’gold as punishment for their crimes, except Akmenos, who is sentenced to death.

Akmenos is taken back to the prison, while the rest of the party is released outside the city gates. Their items are returned to them and Morris starts to drink. He is reluctant to help when Quinn suggests trying to find a way to help free Akmenos and seems a bit depressed with the situation. Diesa, however, seems ready to help and after Quinn puts on a disguise to help them blend in they sneak back into town.

They head toward Zeke the Freak hoping that he will be able to help them. They manage to convince the guard that they are old friends of Zeke’s and are brought in to meet him. After a short explanation of their situation and a few sexual favors from Diesa he agrees to do what he can to free Akmenos.

On their way back out of town, Quinn takes a look around what had always been his home and vows to make it back some day.

The party, Akmenos included, regroups outside the city gates, lights a fire, and bribes the guards to get them some mead from town. But before long Dryefus arrives. He is furious that the party managed to escape unharmed. He yells that he tried to kill them with the painting and by burning down the house and swears that they won’t live to see him again. After that he disappears, but sends an elf named Pish, three wolves, and three Elven archers to attack the party.

A long but relatively easy battle ensues.


3.[Level 4 Magic Item]: Lullaby Weapon +1 (Adventurer’s Vault, page 72 [Weapons]) (DDI)
1.[Level 6 Magic Item]: Watchful Ruby Eye (Adventurer’s Vault, page 178 [Wondrous Items])
5.[291.2 gp]: 283 gp, 81 sp, 10 cp
6.[260 gp]: 152 gp, 78 sp, 20 cp + 1 turqoise (100 gp)

Fifth Session
June 28, 2013

The scene opens with Quinn who decides to tie his horse up… worried about hanging the horse once it shrinks, a debate about physics ensues, which prompts Quinn to take the horse with him. Walking for a while, Akmenos approaches a camp, slowly watching as clouds of pluming smoke come from the town of Boatwheeler. Diesa smells the air and realizes that the familiar smell is smoke and informs the party. Akmenos, meanwhile, grabs a sack near a campfire to discover 83 gold. The party discovers a diary written in some sort of bodily fluid. The diary wrote about pillaging and razing towns until an anomalous entry talks about how beautiful and awe-inspiring the town is right now, assuming the town that the party is in, which is currently abandoned.

The party continues to search the town. Diesa walks into a home and discovers a sack with a rusted dagger and a bedroll, or badroll depending on who you are. Morris, disgusted with Diesa for her searching abilities, searches the house and discovers The Painting, which displays the initials W.F., and Morris, without hesitation, says that is who signed the note; immediately the party passes out except Naomi who was outside.

Naomi after a short time enters the house and discovers that the party is missing. She looks around and thinks about stealing the painting, only to fall under the same fate.

The party wakes to find themselves in a mysterious wooded area and begins to think that they moved to the astral plane of the painting. The party, flabbergasted at the circumstance, continues onto a rustling noise from afar. Getting closer, the party hears a bloodcurdling yell that sounds like a bear-like creature and comes upon orange-yellow huts and two bears speaking in common about a death of Disease Bear.

Naomi walks up and tells Preacher Bear that Repair Bear killed Disease Bear. The Preacher Bear ignores Naomi’s bluff and says who killed Disease Bear… could it be the tactful Partner Bear or the cunning Ashamed Cousin or the clumsy Repair Bear or the swishy Jelly Bear? First, the party walks towards Disease Bear’s hut, which is locked tighter than a frozen turkey before Thanksgiving. Akmenos giving up on trying to get in, talks to Ashamed Cousin and gets little information except a demonstration about opening doors.

Next up, Jelly Bear tells that early this morning 3 AM – 7 AM was the time of death, talks about the great feast, and that only bears can open the doors to the huts. After he goes back to cooking, Quinn sneaks into the hut and discovers a book full of jelly lettering that she keeps until the party is able to read Abyssal.

Very annoyed, the party moves to Partner Bear, who cries like a baby bear. He says that Ashamed Cousin and Partner Bear were hanging out between 2 AM – 6 AM. With the lack of information, Naomi pretends to be possessed by a dark creature so Quinn can sneak in to find incriminating evidence, but she discovers a basket of cold waffles that was meant for Disease Bear. Quickly, Partner Bear then accuses Repair Bear after seeing Quinn “sneaking” around.

Lastly, Repair Bear, Akmenos, and Repair Bear have a sniff-off, which leads to Repair Bear walking away. Naomi and Morris try to talk to Repair Bear but little information is gathered except that he was in the forest until 8 AM. During a weird conversation, the bear admits to injuring himself with a knife because of a bloody knife that was discovered by Quinn, which was in Repair Bear’s house.

Preacher Bear appears and asks the party “who killed Disease Bear?” The party then names every bear until the last party member, Diesa, is supposed to say Partner Bear but she says ayeah. Then, Preacher Bear comes and pulls out a bound and alive Disease Bear from the hut and every other bear begins to eat him alive while poop is pouring out like a geyser. After a few disgusting moments, Preacher Bear invites the party to the Great Feast in the woods.

Greeted by God Daddy at the Great Feast, he convinces Naomi to jump in a hole, and she is able to see the roots from a tree start to move towards her. She quickly teleports and tells everyone telepathically not to enter the hole. The Great Feast the party finds out what most of the party knew, the Great Feast was the slaughter of the party, or bears in this case.

Except Naomi almost dying on the first round, the battle went rather smoothly. During the battle, a random person fell from a tree, George (of the jungle?). George runs over, thanks Morris, and grabs his shoulder, to only teleport back to the house of origin.

The party finds themselves in the house with the painting, but it is on fire. The party in panic runs out of the house without the painting. Shortly after the party realizes, Morris bravely walks in without taking damage, and more importantly, without looking into the painting, and he grabs the painting without any blemishes to the painting.

George mentions that he said that this town was once great, which leads Naomi to club him on the head because of the possibility that he was a bandit. With George, bound and ready to ride to town, the party heads into town to buy and sell loot. But first, Morris checks The Bar and finds that Norm is running the bar just fine, or so he thinks.

During that time, Naomi bullies the Belt of the Brawler, the Deathcut Armor, and 176 gold out of George, which George was willing to give for saving his life. Seamlessly, George inquires about a job, and Naomi gets a job at the bar for George.

Fourth Session
June 21 2013

Scene opens on The Party who has just finished beating up some skeletal baddies. They proceed to the next room and find five levers and five pressure pads. Behind them all there is a ring on a pedestal surrounded by floor-to-ceiling columns. Naomi and Morris stand back to watch as Diesa, Akmenos, and Quinn cooperate to put something heavy on each of the pads, enabling them then to pull the levers. They do so, but have no luck, and guess that the entire party must pull all five levers at the same time. Morris and Naomi agree to do this and as all five levers are pulled down, the party is rewarded and the columns lower into the ground. Morris immediately steps up, grabs the ring, and puts it on. Engraved into the side of the ring are the words Ring of Truth, and Morris soon finds out that the ring is an obnoxious teller of random and unhelpful truths. It notifies Morris and the rest of the party that water is wet, and things of that nature, and reads Morris’s thoughts. Morris, hoping it will be of some advantage, asks the ring questions, but the ring responds with lame trivia. Morris attempts to take off the ring but cannot, and in a fit of irritation cuts off his finger and puts it (his finger with the ring still on it) in his pocket, staunching the bleeding with a torn bit of his robe.

Moving on, the party comes to another room set up just as the last one. They see The Gem this time behind the columns. As before, all five party members put pressure on the pads and pull the levers, but this time it’s a trap: the levers close over their hands, trapping them in a bent-over position with only one hand free each. Just as this happens, the Seven’s Seven come along. They take the map and the gem and go to leave. The party isn’t having it; they attack immediately. Naomi is able to free herself by teleportation and the rest fight — surprisingly well — from where they stand. Bull and Chocolate get away, but Cheech stays behind to fight and is beaten to unconsciousness.

When Cheech wakes up, the party interrogates him, but is ineffective in doing so until Morris critically intimidates him. Cheech soils his pants in great fear and is willing to talk as long as Morris won’t touch him. Akmenos, quickly picking up on an opportunity, plays good cop and sends Morris away. Cheech reveals that if we want to find Bull and Chocolate, we ought to go to their hideout, where we’d previously met them. After he gives this information, Morris comes back and kicks him in the head, knocking him out cold. They search him and find a note, signed “W.F.”, asking them to find the gem and that they’ll be rewarded. To ensure he doesn’t get away, he is bound and gagged and suspended over a pit within the underground complex. The party intends to return very shortly after checking the hideout. As they leave, they try taking the horse with them and he shrinks down all the way to pocket size. Morris pockets him and they depart.

They party arrives to the Sevens’ hideout to find it ransacked. Bull and Chocolate are gone. The party searches thoroughly and finds a scrap of a city guard uniform (the guard insignia clearly showing) as well as a note, signed by The Ancients, that says:

find the [illegible] it must not be [illegible]

Finding nothing else, and too tired either to return to town or to walk several hours back to the underground area, and not wanting to sleep in the Sevens’ hideout, the party decides to stay the night in a nearby motel. Akmenos propositions the innkeeper to spend the night with him, but it turns out anti-climactic when all the innkeeper does to earn the money is keep watch while Akmenos sleeps.

Feeling chipper after their rest, the party returns to the underground complex, only to find the rope over the pit cleanly sliced and Cheech at the bottom, dead, no apparent weapon with him to have been used to cut the rope; the party suspects foul play. Quinn makes a daring descent down into the pit, which has spiked rocks at the bottom of it, and then up the other side, finding in a room over there two keys which open previously locked areas of the complex. Getting back across requires Quinn to jump while at the same time Akmenos and Morris tug the rope to boost him across, and he makes it safely.

Dreyfus Ironwhelper approaches us when we return to the bar, and offers us 600 GP in order to go to an abandoned town, Boatwheeler, which is currently overrun by bandits, and fetch for him a painting for Zeke the Freak.

554.3 GP each (30 loot, -.5 inn stay, +60 loot, +151 sale of black iron armor, +122.4 sale of wand of ray of enfeeblement, +180 sale of thane blood weapon)

Third Session
June 14 2013

Still at The Bar, The Party is approached by three toughs. The leader introduces himself as Bull, and his associates as Cheech and Chocolate. Together they call themselves the Seven’s Seven. They’ve heard the party asking around about The Map and propose a mutually beneficial deal. They will reveal the location of The Gem, which they say has the power to reveal the secrets of the map, if the party will go and get it and give it back after using it on the map. Morris counter-offers: the party will do this, but they also get a piece of the action on whatever the first thing is that the Seven use the gem to reveal. The deal is accepted and it is decided that the party will rest and meet with the Seven in the undercity tomorrow night.

Morris continues tending bar and building rapport with the locals. He finds a well-liked regular named Norm and makes him manager of the bar. The party rests for the night.

The next day, the party travels to visit Dreyfus Ironwhelper. He tells them to get the hell out of there and that he never wants to see them again. Before they leave, a 7-foot tall dwarf, Zeke the Freak walks in. He is Dreyfus’s boss and tells Dreyfuss that the party looks like a great bunch of adventurers and Dreyfus had better give them some work. He begrudgingly agrees but has no work at the moment. The party leaves and returns to the bar, stopping on the way to buy and sell. Morris buys fine wood and paint to paint a sign for the bar that says, “Morris’s Tavern”.

Back at the bar, Norm has hired Diane as a waitress. She is doing OK but seems a bit snooty for the atmosphere here. Morris takes Norm aside and tells him to mentor Diane so this doesn’t turn into a situation. Morris then makes an announcement to the regulars that he has taken over for Pete and that Pete would have wanted the bar to carry on without him. He announces the name change to “Morris’s Tavern” and says that drinks are on the house this evening. The announcement is met with enthusiasm and joy from all. Later that night they leave the bar in Norm’s capable hands and go off to meet the Seven in the undercity.

The party meets up with the Seven and goes inside an abandoned building, where in the first room they find a hole in the floor and a ladder leading 150 feet down into a passageway. They tentatively move forward and discover a horse tied up in the passageway. Past the horse there is a door with a riddle carved in dwarven runic script upon it:

I was cleansed for 200 years and more, yet I’m still a stinking, wretched whore. Who am I?

As the party ponders the riddle, the horse seems to grow impatient. Its eyes glow red and Diesa detects an evil presence within it. Finally, it occurs to Diesa that this the riddle references the long war of 200 years between the dwarves and the orcs and gives the correct answer: an orc. The door opens and the horse calms down. The party passes through the door and into a room where an old orc sits on the ground in front of another door. The old orc warns the party against the gem, saying it has been used for great evil, that it was used in war to reveal intel, intel that was used to coordinate strikes and kill mercilessly. After hearing the orc’s warning, Morris asks the orc whether he’d like to go live the rest of his days in a real town, dining and drinking with the friendly and fine folk at Morris’s Tavern. He declines and the party moves to the next room.

In the next room are 5 coffins, which open to reveal 5 skeletons, and battle begins. The party defeats the skeletons without great incident and is ready to continue.


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